An Amazing Thing Happened on the Road of Parenting

Since J was a toddler, I've been striving to teach our children to be useful, cheerful helpers around the house. These five and a half years, I've often felt outnumbered and overwhelmed--and sometimes it just seems so much easier to DO IT MYSELF. But wise women have counseled again and again the importance of teaching and training our children to be useful cheerful workers and so we have worked and worked on cleaning our rooms and helping and doing whatever we ask the kids to do. Mr. J can just about clean his room by himself, and Miss A is almost there with me pointing out missed items.

It is neat to see the joy and pride our kids have in doing a job and being helpers, but this past week, an incredible thing happened that REALLY encouraged me and helped me see some light at the end of the tunnel.

All of our Disney laundry was washed and in baskets in the hallway. I gave J and A baskets and told them to grab their own things out of the pile, while I worked on our clothes, O's clothes and towels. They each filled a basket full, then I said, "Okay, now put your clothes away." AND THEY PUT ALL THEIR OWN CLOTHES AWAY!!

This was hugely encouraging as putting away laundry is my bane. Now instead of one person tackling laundry for five, it's one against three and that is WAY easier. I'm so proud of J and A.

Like Mother Like Daughter is a great resource and encouragement in this area. Here is a recent article along those lines. All her practical advice is so helpful! Below is an example:

Auntie Leila, you think children should be miserable?

Well, here's the thing.

Children just do spend a certain amount of time being miserable. You might as well have their misery be about something real. For instance, it's far better for a child to feel a little hungry while he finishes putting the clothes in the dryer or moves the woodpile a foot to the left than to grumble because you forgot to buy him the newest version of his favorite video game. The first problem will result at least in his sense of accomplishing something, followed by a meal that he's more likely to appreciate. The second will result in feeding the lazy, disrespectful beast within. Very few things are worse for a child than feeling justified in a grudge against the world, embodied in his parents.

Rice Cookers--or Trust Grandmama Hanh on This One

Mr. T's Vietnamese family always has rice--perfectly cooked and hot in the rice cooker sitting on the counter at their house. I grew up in a house where you bring the rice to a boil, cover and steam 20 minutes hoping for the best. When we got married, I learned my oh-so-knowledgable husband that this method was really not satisfactory enough. At the very least, the rice needed to be rinsed in three waters.

Still, my stove top method was lacking. One Christmas we were given a modest, small rice cooker from Target--the ease of cooking with this model wooed me away from the stove top method, but leaving the rice in

the cooker on warm overnight produced a sticky, crusty crust.

When we had Mr. O, my Vietnamese in-laws came to visit and looked aghast at our Target rice cooker.

I'm glad they did, because on the NEXT visit, they brought a Tiger Brand rice cooker along with a TWENTY FIVE pound bag of Jasmine Rice. This was no small, non-descript rice cooker. This is what the people who know use. "Tiger Brand" is a fabulous indicator of the mighty wonders found within.

The rice! It is perfectly fluffy and stays warm for a day or so. This means that if you are doing a crockpot supper that requires rice, you can start the rice cooking right when you start your dinner in the morning and it will stay perfectly perfect all day. This beauty also makes as little as three (we do two) cups or as much as ten, so if you are having Red Beans and Rice for a crowd, you're all set.

We've done all a manner of white rice in this, from sushi to jasmine to basmati, to plain old long grain rice. I've had varying success with brown rice as it requires extra water. (I'm too scatterbrained to record our successes and so every time I guesstimate).

For a fabulous brown rice recipe, I suggest using Alton Brown's recipe.

Another neat trick is to add in diced, cooked chicken, some olive oil, salt, frozen broccoli and sour cream and let the rice steam the broccoli--it's kind of a quick broccoli rice casserole without the cream of mushroom soup.

The Tiger Brand cooker is pricey, I'll admit. However I've found that when I have really great tools in my kitchen I'm more likely to cook-and do so with enjoyment! We rank this appliance up there with the Kitchenaid Mixer and Cuisinart Food Processor. It's just that good.

Survival Guide

As I write this, my husband has been gone for nine days on a mission trip to Peru. By the grace of God this has been the easiest and most do-able time of separation we've ever had. I am SO thankful for this and wanted to share some things I've been learning and have learned about managing not just myself, but our family and coping during his absence. In no particular order, here are some early morning thoughts. I hope to get it all out before Mr. O demands attention.

1. Penitence.

In years past when T had to travel, particularly to Peru, I complained and groaned and rolled my eyes and generally resented the entire country of Peru (or CCCA, or whatever had called him away). The key phrase to all of this is not "whatever had called him away", but "who had called him away." See, God in his sovereign wisdom was calling my husband to go to Peru (or wherever) and my complaint wasn't so much against Event X, but against God. Conviction hit on so many levels. I was being selfish, self-centered, and dependent on the wrong things. In the week leading up to his departure, the Holy Spirit really convicted me and began changing my heart to embrace Tuan's calling to do this and be a truly (not fake-smiling-teeth-clenched) cheerful helper and supporter of my husband. Not that I've got it "down" by any means!

2. Perspective.

Nine days seems long to me, but I have friends whose husbands are deployed or soon will be. Nine days is NOTHING in the big picture and I have been chastened and motivated to pray mightily for those who are going through such times.

3. Proper Preparation.

I enlisted several folks to pray for me and the kids during his absence, because this is still an incredibly challenging and lengthy time. The prayers of the saints have been felt and manifested in a mighty way. Thank you, friends, who have prayed for all of us! I also prayed for T, for my own heart, and the kids, and made plans. LOTS.OF.PLANS.

4. Planning.

Knowing my weaknesses, I recruited folks to stay with us and also made plans to visit friends during the time. The first day, we had a baby-sitter while I ran errands and that night, we had overnight guests along with pizza and a movie on the living room floor. Then, we traveled to North Mississippi to stay with very dear (and accomodating) friends for several days. Driving alone, it took almost five hours to make a three and a half hour trip (I'm still confused about this), but I reckoned it ate up ten hours of the week!

Over time, I've learned that for us there has to be a balance of order and chaos in T's absence. Being away is good, but the kids really need some order and familiarity. Traveling the first part of the week, then staying at home and having company seemed to work well for us. Choosing wisely where we travel and who we stay with also makes a world of difference in how well our family thrives.

So, we've been BUSY. My own tendencies are to solitude and introspection, but it has actually been good that I'm yearning for some instead of drowning in the solitude. My sweet mother, in-laws and grandmother have all stayed with us and helped at some point this week.

5. Prudence and Play

I'm running out of appropriate "P" words. Basically, we've enjoyed some fun out-of-the-ordinary indulgences this week (cookies, movies, video games, outings, tacos for multiple meals), but are sticking to the routine and housework. Keeping a sense of normalcy for myself in the midst of all the "fun" has been a lifesaver and the house is not quite falling apart. However, today we are cranking up the prudence and getting a LOT of work done so T comes home to a nice and welcoming house.

6. Personal Time

T's parents gave me a day away on Wednesday as I had two meetings in town. It was such a blessing and so restorative! The next time we do this, I plan to at least hire a baby-sitter or two during the week for that purpose.

7. Prayer. It all goes back to throwing one's burdens at the cross and depending on Jesus.

Oh, Sweet Nostalgia . . .

If you'd like to read a wondrous tale about my hometown at Christmas, I encourage you to click here. It's really (mostly) true and goes down in infamy as one of my favorite Christmas stories of all time.

Christmas is coming so fast and our schedule is clear this week (at least until Friday) and I am so glad. I feel like we've been hurrying and not savoring or delighting and wondering. This will be a good week for being homebodies, for baking and watching movies and hopefully not being so tired during our family advent celebration that requests for "adventus brevitus" are whispered.

I was in my hometown two weeks ago. My sister and her family still live there and it was a treat to take Mr. J and my nephew looking at Christmas lights. So little has changed-at least in the neighborhoods and it felt so much like visiting ghosts of Christmas past. We drove up and down the streets I biked on as a child, revisited familiar landmarks and I was encouraged and delighted to see lights on in the homes of people I still hold dear.

The strangest and perhaps most bittersweet part of our drive, was going past my grandparent's home. They owned a lovely ranch home in a subdivision built mostly by my great-grandfather. The house was the hub of our family's comings and goings. Even extended family from both sides congregated at "Mama Sue and Papaw's" for Thanksgiving, Christmas and every other excuse for a get-together.

When Papaw died young and unexpectedly, we were all broken hearted. Things at the house were never quite the same. Soon after, Mama Sue sold the house and moved down to Florida to be near my folks and my Uncle's family.

The other night, the house was brightly lit with three--count 'em!--three trees blazing with light and decorations. It was full and bright and homey, a beacon of light in a neighborhood that seemed much darker and lonelier and lacking in lights than in years past. As we drove by, an ache hit my heart. It was a longing for what has been, but perhaps more so for what is really to come.

I'll forgo the deep pondering that could burst from this line of thinking. Instead, I can get a bit giddy deep down because next Saturday is our family Christmas with Mama Sue and all the family. Our celebration looks different than years past (for one, my sister and I have grown the family considerably!), but there is this sweet and precious feeling of joy, nostalgia and comfort that comes with being with the whole family for "Blackwell Christmas." There is something about Mama Sue's hugs and smiles, the same food we always eat (cheeseball, tea cakes and fudge, anyone?) and having my aunts and uncles there--who really don't seem much older than me, now, but still make me feel like a kid. I absolutely LOVE this day of the year and Mr. T knows that nothing, no nothing comes before Blackwell Christmas. In this, I am a tyrant.

Crazy Ambition

I feel like a chicken with its head cut off trying to juggle eggs these days. Since Thanksgiving, and all the projects and fun surrounding it, I cannot get my head on straight! Tuan was out of town (North Carolina) for four days and we were bopping all over the countryside. Our house is a disaster of epic proportions--which MUST be tackled after this blog post--and there is so much left to wrap and do--let's not even mention Christmas baking. Just.May.Not.Happen.

Our Christmas shrubbery (read: free, stumpy cedar, cut from the woods, decorated and on our side table) is decorated and beautiful and we are eating off of the Christmas dishes and for now that is enough.

We are also on a CRAZY drive to save every extra penny and dollar and bit of change we can find, because T and I decided to take our two oldest to Disney World in January. We were supposed to go to North Carolina with T, but as we did the math on what even a frugal trip would cost, we decided that we'd rather put the money towards Disney! So, onward we go--we've given up eating out, Sonic Happy Hour, and grocery store treats. The freezer is being emptied of food and lots of rice, beans and baked goods are coming out of the kitchen. The kids are into it as well, especially Mr. J. Anytime he finds money, he runs for the Disney Jar. He cheerfully reminds me that we are "giving up Chik-Fil-A for Disney". Yes, we are, my child.

It's been convicting how much we can squirrel away by not eating out--very convicting and challenging. When you live so far from everything and everything seems to end and start around meal-times it is hard not to dash through the drive through or just give in to the call of the local Mexican restaurant. It's going to be a sweet reward though.