Oh friends . . .
It's been so long I wondered if my blog was even accessible! And it is! I have missed writing, but for a while I was such a captive to fear of offending people and also sort of mortified at some of my strong opinions in earlier posts that I felt a bit caught between wondering if I had any wisdom to fuel my writing and fear of offense. How terribly dumb and also maybe wise. I've also not made space to write at length, and have made do with Instagram captions.
And here I am at 40. I have no idea when I started this blog (maybe at 26?), BUT I know I had Xanga at least back in 2004 and that's some serious crazy old school stuff.
I just read Dispatches from Pluto--it takes place in the Mississippi Delta, which is totally not my stomping grounds. I can think of maybe one time I've been to the Delta. I'm a South Mississippi girl. If you divide the state into fourths, my people and places and things fit neatly between the 1/4 (Hattiesburg) and 1/2 (Jackson) markers.
It's a narrow slice of the state, my Mississippi. Red clay, catfish houses, farms, woods, the prettiest pastures. I'm dreadfully allergic to it, too, so apart from allergy shots, I'm a hopeless case there. And let's not even start on the mosquitos and humidity! My first Texas pastor once told me, "Texas is trying to kill you." Well, I suspect Mississippi is merely content with running me to the ground.
Oh Texas. I love it. I love the dry climate, the surprise that the Hill Country is. I love the low-pressure culture (at least in our area). I don't miss the pressure of appearance and manners and the social "stuff" of Mississippi--most of the time.
Mississippi is my people. I hanker to go back. When I go home I feel such belonging and being known. However, with each passing year my longing increases, but I feel less belonging. In fact, home is becoming something I yearn for, but it is no longer a specific place. It is as if every move and place we've lived and person we have loved has taken a bit of me and "home" is no longer in one place anymore. I'm sure the Lord intends it that way--if I can remind myself that what I'm really yearning for is a bit farther up and further in.
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