How Do You Do It?

A sweet mother of two little children gazed at us in wonder on Sunday morning as we filed into the nursery with our four. "How do you do it?" she said.

How do we do it? We don't. I don't. I can't.

We pull it together on Sunday and have a little system down that works for us, but we only look somewhat together in the blissful moments after we get out of the car (and I've just wiped all the dried eye crud, milk mustaches and other gunk off of our kids faces!) and walk into church.

This past year has been WILD. I could list all the crazy, a surgery, the doctor visits, accidents in the car, spills, sicknesses, foreign travel,  bumps in the road and just the destructive chaos Mr. O creates would by itself drive anyone batty.

I've never ever had it all together (although I got a LOT more done with fewer kids and I really don't have a lot of children compared to many!).  However, the reality of how not "together" I am and how much bigger the job is than me has especially settled in since baby R arrived.

I have ironed one article of clothing this entire year. One. The mess in our house rotates from area to area. The laundry never ends. I feel the fall acutely when it comes to laundry and housework. My own parenting failures help seal the remembrance.

Yet we survive. God is gracious and if this is my lot it has surely fallen in pleasant places.

I told Tuan that I was a bit overwhelmed and as I listed all my roles and jobs, I began to understand why:

Child of God
Wife, helper and lover. : ) Amen.
Mother
Daughter and Sister
Friend
Woman in the Church
Teacher of two different grades, wrangler of a three year old and primary baby care for sweet Mrs. R.
Artist/Writer/Reader/Musician
Chef--3 meals a day
Procurer of Domestic Supplies
Laundress
Home Manager
House Keeper and Cleaner

It's too much. I can't do it. At any and all times some balls are going to drop. I could surely use some household help. It's rather liberating to realize that. It's also liberating to realize that it's okay to let some things go.

Sometimes I have to realize that I don't have to cling to standards that the Lord has not set for me. Cleaning my house at the expense of discipling my children and loving my husband and caring for someone in need isn't what he is calling me to do. I struggle with that balance.

At the same time, when I fail in the areas where he HAS drawn a line ), I am COVERED by the blood of Jesus. Hallelujah!

If I'm grumpy because my system of organization is not being followed, the problem lies with me. I don't have the liberty to declare that "without X, I can't function", if "Z is dirty, I can't do Y".

Ultimately, my SOLE dependence is on Jesus. I am, however, at liberty to recognize and declare that "without JESUS, I can't."

It's liberating to realize that being creative reflects his image and can bring him glory.

Hmm. . . Wish I had time to sort this out more, but Mr. O just plundered the Italian Creme Cake in the Fridge and Baby R is on a fast track towards the coconut shower that resulted from the plunder.

Morning Wild

Ah...breakfast. Especially crazy today. I ended up with Applesauce all over the floor because Miss A thought placing the jar on my forearm an acceptable method of "passing" the applesauce. Applesauce on the wall, chair, floor...and, as I later discovered: my back.
Then, as I was frantically preparing to feed a disgruntled baby R, I heard a bangito crashito and Mr. O, in his 'cross-the-table-reach-for-cinnamon had knocked over a beautiful cup of organic milk all over the floor.
In situations like these, I am learning to give thanks and in this case, I was thankful that the floor had not been mopped recently and that we had milk to spill.
I've been feeding baby R as I type and a few more crisis of a domestic nature have occurred...must go!

Observations from Today

When you have babies and toddlers and older parents tell you that parenting gets harder (but in a different way) it can be so hard to believe! How can these days get any more challenging and exhausting? I have surely asked that!

Today I had a taste of the mental exhaustion of parenting.

While driving J to school, and on the way to pick him up I had lengthy conversations with each older child.

J wanted to know why I wasn't pushing the accelerator which led to a lesson in cruise control, highway and interstate names, speed limits and was followed by a lengthy prosecutorial question and answer session about where I hit the deer with the van, how, why I hit the deer and why I didn't sop and bring the deer home. How did I know it wasn't dead, why didn't I stop, again? By the time we reached school I was done in.

The way in for pick up we discussed whether princesses were real, why some were real and others not and which ones were legit. On the way home I repeatedly stated that no, we were not stopping for a snack and would have popcorn at home. (Apparently one must state that at least eight times before it sinks into persistently hard noggins!)

We also pulled over to the side of the road and I physically got out of the car and stood by the window of the six year old and explained that it is not acceptable to throw a fit because your siblings watched tv while you were at school. The sting of writing the hefty check to pay for the semester may have had added to the passion of my conversation. I mean, really, after a day at school, playing with good friends, eating pizza and cookies with icing, you're gonna complain because you missed a few episodes of PBS kids? (In a weak moment I fell asleep on the floor during Daniel Tiger and woke up to Sid the Science Kid, so it was more than a few episodes....oops!) As a result of our conversation, there was no tv today and may not be tomorrow as I was frequently informed by the six year old pizza and iced cookie eating kid that he had not had any fun today. Yeah.

Mental exhaustion. Brain flooded with talk. I'm a thinker whose brain never really stops so quiet time rejuvenates me and too much of everything causes a shut down of sorts.

Anyway, not to complain, but merely explain!

Oh, then in the midst of this after I dropped J off, I decided that since I was child-free for a moment to get a good cup of coffee for the homeward commute and ran into Broad Street. (I also got a killer croissant, but that's another story.) I walked in around 8:20 and there were all these adults drinking good coffee, having subdued conversations and eating good pastries and baked goods. There was not a small child in sight. A man from church said hello and said they'd just finished a Bible study time. Another older friend was holding court with a table full of friends. My jaw dropped. PEOPLE DO THIS ALL THE TIME!

Oh, yes. My jaw dropped. It was an epiphany similar to when a young child wakes in the middle of his slumber and discovers his parents (no, not that!!!) and friends up late playing board games and eating fresh baked cookies or peanut butter pie and realizes that really fun things happen while they are asleep.

It was an eye opener really and like Liz Lemon, "I want to go to there".

Of course, that is not the reality of my calling these days...much as I would occasionally wish it to be! But one day I will! Like the couple that ran around in their skivvies at home for weeks after their youngest left for college, just because they could the first few weeks of R's freshman year you may find me at Broad Street every morning drinking coffee and eating a chocolate croissant just because I can. I'm sure I will do something profitable the other hours of those days and after those weeks, but at first...!

But until then I will listen, listen, listen and answer repeatedly and hug my kids and change epic diapers and remind them repeatedly of how much I love them and how much more Jesus loves them.

And find there's a lot more satisfaction in that than spending my mornings at Broad Street.

Looking Ahead....2013

This has been quite a year, but I'm thankful for so much.

Thinking about the year to come, I'm using the word "more" a lot. Personally, I'm hoping for:

1. More grace, patience, long suffering and forgiveness extended towards others.

2. More joy in trial and annoyances.

3. More serving and loving those in need and trial.

4. More Hospitality

5. More relationship building

6. More margin. More staring at the clouds and stars.

7. More cuddles, more singing and more playing with my children.

8. More loving, helping and treasuring Tuan.

9. More family time with our extendeds.

10. More prayer.

11. To be more like Jesus.

12. More exercise and time outdoors.

13. More reading.

Save the Mums!

A few years ago, I was visiting with a gardener friend who was showing me her garden. I commented on the beautiful mums in one of her beds and she nonchalantly informed me that they were leftover from the previous fall's decorating.

What!?

I had just assumed that potted mums were a one hit wonder , that should be thrown out when Christmas arrived. No way!

After Thansgiving, chuck your pumpkins, haybales and cornstalks in your compost piles and stick those tired old mums in your flower beds. Choose a semi-sunny spot. When they seem to die off, cut them back almost to the ground and leave them be until next spring. They'll start growing back in May and be blooming by June.

Faithfully water them, cut them back in early Summer so they don't get leggy and snip off spent blooms. Come September, you'll have a jump start on your fall decorating!

So, save your mums! Don't throw them out! At the very least, give them to me!