Rice Cookers--or Trust Grandmama Hanh on This One

Mr. T's Vietnamese family always has rice--perfectly cooked and hot in the rice cooker sitting on the counter at their house. I grew up in a house where you bring the rice to a boil, cover and steam 20 minutes hoping for the best. When we got married, I learned my oh-so-knowledgable husband that this method was really not satisfactory enough. At the very least, the rice needed to be rinsed in three waters.

Still, my stove top method was lacking. One Christmas we were given a modest, small rice cooker from Target--the ease of cooking with this model wooed me away from the stove top method, but leaving the rice in

the cooker on warm overnight produced a sticky, crusty crust.

When we had Mr. O, my Vietnamese in-laws came to visit and looked aghast at our Target rice cooker.

I'm glad they did, because on the NEXT visit, they brought a Tiger Brand rice cooker along with a TWENTY FIVE pound bag of Jasmine Rice. This was no small, non-descript rice cooker. This is what the people who know use. "Tiger Brand" is a fabulous indicator of the mighty wonders found within.

The rice! It is perfectly fluffy and stays warm for a day or so. This means that if you are doing a crockpot supper that requires rice, you can start the rice cooking right when you start your dinner in the morning and it will stay perfectly perfect all day. This beauty also makes as little as three (we do two) cups or as much as ten, so if you are having Red Beans and Rice for a crowd, you're all set.

We've done all a manner of white rice in this, from sushi to jasmine to basmati, to plain old long grain rice. I've had varying success with brown rice as it requires extra water. (I'm too scatterbrained to record our successes and so every time I guesstimate).

For a fabulous brown rice recipe, I suggest using Alton Brown's recipe.

Another neat trick is to add in diced, cooked chicken, some olive oil, salt, frozen broccoli and sour cream and let the rice steam the broccoli--it's kind of a quick broccoli rice casserole without the cream of mushroom soup.

The Tiger Brand cooker is pricey, I'll admit. However I've found that when I have really great tools in my kitchen I'm more likely to cook-and do so with enjoyment! We rank this appliance up there with the Kitchenaid Mixer and Cuisinart Food Processor. It's just that good.

Survival Guide

As I write this, my husband has been gone for nine days on a mission trip to Peru. By the grace of God this has been the easiest and most do-able time of separation we've ever had. I am SO thankful for this and wanted to share some things I've been learning and have learned about managing not just myself, but our family and coping during his absence. In no particular order, here are some early morning thoughts. I hope to get it all out before Mr. O demands attention.

1. Penitence.

In years past when T had to travel, particularly to Peru, I complained and groaned and rolled my eyes and generally resented the entire country of Peru (or CCCA, or whatever had called him away). The key phrase to all of this is not "whatever had called him away", but "who had called him away." See, God in his sovereign wisdom was calling my husband to go to Peru (or wherever) and my complaint wasn't so much against Event X, but against God. Conviction hit on so many levels. I was being selfish, self-centered, and dependent on the wrong things. In the week leading up to his departure, the Holy Spirit really convicted me and began changing my heart to embrace Tuan's calling to do this and be a truly (not fake-smiling-teeth-clenched) cheerful helper and supporter of my husband. Not that I've got it "down" by any means!

2. Perspective.

Nine days seems long to me, but I have friends whose husbands are deployed or soon will be. Nine days is NOTHING in the big picture and I have been chastened and motivated to pray mightily for those who are going through such times.

3. Proper Preparation.

I enlisted several folks to pray for me and the kids during his absence, because this is still an incredibly challenging and lengthy time. The prayers of the saints have been felt and manifested in a mighty way. Thank you, friends, who have prayed for all of us! I also prayed for T, for my own heart, and the kids, and made plans. LOTS.OF.PLANS.

4. Planning.

Knowing my weaknesses, I recruited folks to stay with us and also made plans to visit friends during the time. The first day, we had a baby-sitter while I ran errands and that night, we had overnight guests along with pizza and a movie on the living room floor. Then, we traveled to North Mississippi to stay with very dear (and accomodating) friends for several days. Driving alone, it took almost five hours to make a three and a half hour trip (I'm still confused about this), but I reckoned it ate up ten hours of the week!

Over time, I've learned that for us there has to be a balance of order and chaos in T's absence. Being away is good, but the kids really need some order and familiarity. Traveling the first part of the week, then staying at home and having company seemed to work well for us. Choosing wisely where we travel and who we stay with also makes a world of difference in how well our family thrives.

So, we've been BUSY. My own tendencies are to solitude and introspection, but it has actually been good that I'm yearning for some instead of drowning in the solitude. My sweet mother, in-laws and grandmother have all stayed with us and helped at some point this week.

5. Prudence and Play

I'm running out of appropriate "P" words. Basically, we've enjoyed some fun out-of-the-ordinary indulgences this week (cookies, movies, video games, outings, tacos for multiple meals), but are sticking to the routine and housework. Keeping a sense of normalcy for myself in the midst of all the "fun" has been a lifesaver and the house is not quite falling apart. However, today we are cranking up the prudence and getting a LOT of work done so T comes home to a nice and welcoming house.

6. Personal Time

T's parents gave me a day away on Wednesday as I had two meetings in town. It was such a blessing and so restorative! The next time we do this, I plan to at least hire a baby-sitter or two during the week for that purpose.

7. Prayer. It all goes back to throwing one's burdens at the cross and depending on Jesus.

Oh, Sweet Nostalgia . . .

If you'd like to read a wondrous tale about my hometown at Christmas, I encourage you to click here. It's really (mostly) true and goes down in infamy as one of my favorite Christmas stories of all time.

Christmas is coming so fast and our schedule is clear this week (at least until Friday) and I am so glad. I feel like we've been hurrying and not savoring or delighting and wondering. This will be a good week for being homebodies, for baking and watching movies and hopefully not being so tired during our family advent celebration that requests for "adventus brevitus" are whispered.

I was in my hometown two weeks ago. My sister and her family still live there and it was a treat to take Mr. J and my nephew looking at Christmas lights. So little has changed-at least in the neighborhoods and it felt so much like visiting ghosts of Christmas past. We drove up and down the streets I biked on as a child, revisited familiar landmarks and I was encouraged and delighted to see lights on in the homes of people I still hold dear.

The strangest and perhaps most bittersweet part of our drive, was going past my grandparent's home. They owned a lovely ranch home in a subdivision built mostly by my great-grandfather. The house was the hub of our family's comings and goings. Even extended family from both sides congregated at "Mama Sue and Papaw's" for Thanksgiving, Christmas and every other excuse for a get-together.

When Papaw died young and unexpectedly, we were all broken hearted. Things at the house were never quite the same. Soon after, Mama Sue sold the house and moved down to Florida to be near my folks and my Uncle's family.

The other night, the house was brightly lit with three--count 'em!--three trees blazing with light and decorations. It was full and bright and homey, a beacon of light in a neighborhood that seemed much darker and lonelier and lacking in lights than in years past. As we drove by, an ache hit my heart. It was a longing for what has been, but perhaps more so for what is really to come.

I'll forgo the deep pondering that could burst from this line of thinking. Instead, I can get a bit giddy deep down because next Saturday is our family Christmas with Mama Sue and all the family. Our celebration looks different than years past (for one, my sister and I have grown the family considerably!), but there is this sweet and precious feeling of joy, nostalgia and comfort that comes with being with the whole family for "Blackwell Christmas." There is something about Mama Sue's hugs and smiles, the same food we always eat (cheeseball, tea cakes and fudge, anyone?) and having my aunts and uncles there--who really don't seem much older than me, now, but still make me feel like a kid. I absolutely LOVE this day of the year and Mr. T knows that nothing, no nothing comes before Blackwell Christmas. In this, I am a tyrant.

Crazy Ambition

I feel like a chicken with its head cut off trying to juggle eggs these days. Since Thanksgiving, and all the projects and fun surrounding it, I cannot get my head on straight! Tuan was out of town (North Carolina) for four days and we were bopping all over the countryside. Our house is a disaster of epic proportions--which MUST be tackled after this blog post--and there is so much left to wrap and do--let's not even mention Christmas baking. Just.May.Not.Happen.

Our Christmas shrubbery (read: free, stumpy cedar, cut from the woods, decorated and on our side table) is decorated and beautiful and we are eating off of the Christmas dishes and for now that is enough.

We are also on a CRAZY drive to save every extra penny and dollar and bit of change we can find, because T and I decided to take our two oldest to Disney World in January. We were supposed to go to North Carolina with T, but as we did the math on what even a frugal trip would cost, we decided that we'd rather put the money towards Disney! So, onward we go--we've given up eating out, Sonic Happy Hour, and grocery store treats. The freezer is being emptied of food and lots of rice, beans and baked goods are coming out of the kitchen. The kids are into it as well, especially Mr. J. Anytime he finds money, he runs for the Disney Jar. He cheerfully reminds me that we are "giving up Chik-Fil-A for Disney". Yes, we are, my child.

It's been convicting how much we can squirrel away by not eating out--very convicting and challenging. When you live so far from everything and everything seems to end and start around meal-times it is hard not to dash through the drive through or just give in to the call of the local Mexican restaurant. It's going to be a sweet reward though.

On Sleep Training

I've wanted to write about this subject for some time, but quite frankly felt that my emotions were far too engaged at various period for me to peaceably and graciously approach the topic. Just the other day I was calmly pondering the subject--again!--and thought that I was at a pretty rational place where I could write about it. Then, today, I admitted on a social networking site that I--gasp--liked Babywise and one would have thought FB had exploded.

We have chosen a method that is rather controversial and people have NO qualms whatsoever about attacking it. Honestly, as a mom, it makes my blood boil to hear something I appreciate and am grateful for so across-the-board maligned without any room for discussion. That said, I have friends on all sides of the fences (which there are many) and two close friends in particular who are so gracious to me when we differ. I hope and pray that I can be as gracious. That's why I'm writing not so much about what is "wrong" with the other side, or critiquing a method based on anecdotal evidence, but to share what a blessing and benefit sleep-training has been for our family and what a helpful jumping off point it has been for us in all spheres of parenting. Also, as a disclaimer, I have not read any of the Sears, AP or what-have-you books and have no desire to critique or dissect it. I'm only sharing our experiences with sleep training.

Since Babywise is very controversial, let's refer to this topic as sleep training. I don't claim inerrancy Biblically or logically. This is anecdotal.

When we were expecting our first child, Mr. J, we were so blessed to be surrounded by several godly families who were a few steps ahead of us in parenting. As we observed their family lives, the dispositions of their children, the general health and well-being of their marriages, and their daily routines, we asked many questions, particularly about taking care of this forthcoming baby. One of the common denominators was that they sleep-trained (and they ALL breastfed--most until one year). There was also a beautiful underlying order to their homes--not materially, necessarily, but relationally. There was a striving to make God the center of the home, the husband-wife relationship was a high priority and the children were loved and adored, but part of the family, not the center. They moved in the family unit, but the family did not move around them. Even now, I see these families and am so encouraged to see the amazing home lives and incredible, many godly, children they have and are raising.

So, I read Babywise, which was not recommended to me by anyone, but had some very similar ideas and a few other books.

Just to digress a paragraph about nursing: Mr. J was born quite healthy, but delivered "sunny side up" and was not a good nurser. I now wonder if the difficulty of his delivery made nursing hard for him at first. I began pumping at the hospital and went home with an appointment with a lactation specialist. We STRUGGLED with latching on (TMI?) and it was a relief to see the specialist and know that his latching was not correct. I tried to nurse and I pumped in between and by that point (two weeks and two LS visits later), T and I came to the conclusion that if I could pump and feed Mr. J and not cry and resent him every time I tried to nurse that we would all be happier. I pumped around the clock for the first eight weeks of his life. Miss A went into the NICU the day she was born, couldn't be touched the first four days of her life and came home with thrush. When it cleared up, she had neo-natal teeth. Yeah, nursing didn't happen, but again, I pumped for two months, nearly around the clock. With Mr. O, I was determined to nurse and had a horrible hospital experience with the nursery nurse and unhelpful lactation consultants. At that point, I was so used to the pumping 'round the clock thing, and so frustrated with nursing, that we decided to pump again. Nursing is wonderful, just didn't happen for us.

Back to sleep training. The most useful idea that I applied when first home with Mr. J was the concept of a rhythm (schedule implies strict hours and times, which we never did). Sleep. Eat. Play. Sleep. I remember sitting on the couch the night we brought Mr. J home. He had just eaten and I had no idea what to do next. "Eat. sleep. play." Aha. We had about one minute of interaction before he was conking out again. I laid him down and that began our sleep training. No wailing or fussing or whining.

A lot of the critique I hear about sleep training is that the baby will fail to thrive and, at the worst, dehydrate or die of starvation. Looking back at Babywise, I read over and over again, "If your baby is hungry, feed him." I don't think anyone would advise you to not feed your baby if he is hungry. Upon really and truly pondering this debate, I am beginning to see that one (of many) forks in the road is the initial reaction to fussiness, discontent or what-have-you in an infant. Many seem to offer the breast or the bottle immediately, assuming that what must be wrong is hunger. I tended to consider other needs (sleepiness, gas, or overstimulation) first, particularly if we had just had a feeding (say 45 minutes since). Perhaps one philosophy is sleep-oriented as opposed to feeding-oriented?

Why sleep-training? Why place importance on it? I don't think I understood all the "why's" of what I was doing at the time, but in retrospect (three children later), I am seeing a bigger picture unfold.

Laying our baby down to fall asleep was particularly easy in the beginning. Babies sleep and sleep and sleep those first few weeks. It seems you can hardly get even one eye to open for more than a few seconds. Going ahead and laying Mr. J down after a feeding and quick play started laying a foundation that we would build and build upon. Sometimes he would whine a bit and I'd give him a burp or pat, but generally he'd go right down. If, after, say 15, 30 or 45 minutes he began to murmur and fuss, we'd check on him, but did not pick him up immediately. Instead we waited to see if he was truly waking up. Often he went right back to sleep. NEVER in those early weeks and months did our babies scream in the bed for hours. One's mind may be put to rest right now.

Life with children is always dynamic, particularly with babies. One thinks they've got it figured out and then BOOM a huge growth spurt happens and that sweet child eats every hour for a week and then calms down. Nevertheless, we stuck to the Rhythm: Sleep. Eat. Play. Sleep. The intervals sometimes changed, but not the Rhythm.

During the days, our sweet spot was a 2.5-3 hours between feedings. These lasted until well into the eight and nine and ten month ages. I would wake the baby up around the three hour mark during the day--not letting them sleep longer. At night, we eliminated "play" from the Rhythm and immediately after feedings, baby went back to bed.

As the weeks went by the intervals between evening feedings spread and by two months our kids were sleeping all night (meaning from 10-6-ish). That was around the age we moved our second two babies out of our room. (Mr. J slept in our walk-in closet, so we were close quarters with him until fifteen months)

Also as the weeks passed, awake time lengthened and our sweet babies became more active and alert and fun. We still intentionally put them down before or just as they showed signs of fussiness and tiredness. Even if they were awake in their beds for some minutes before going to sleep, we were okay with that. Because they had always fallen asleep on their own, they continued to.

Babies and children are dynamic, rarely static (shouldn't that be a mantra for parenting? Repeat 10x daily). We constantly evaluated and adjusted their quantities of sleep.eat.play.sleep to suit their needs. Eventually three naps gave way to two and night-time sleep stretched from seven-seven. With each month, our babies began to learn to play and be content in their beds and fall asleep on their own. I think this also helped what I think is a frequent cause of fussy children: overstimulation. To think of all that they are learning and experiencing and feeling in this brand new world, what a relief it must be to just chill out--even for a baby!

As our babies grew older, there were times when we let them "cry it out." Particularly when we knew all their needs had been met and they simply did not want to take a nap or be in their pack-n-play. You know the cry that turns on and off based on whether or not they're getting their way? Our family rating system regarding cries was based on the following three levels: 1. Discussing 2. Fussing 3. Cussing (it's a joke, people). We let them cry it out because they were learning a valuable lesson, one that we all struggle with: "I am not the boss."

As Christians, we believe that we are under the authority of God. Not only that, but under the authorities that he has placed over us. Bosses, ruling authorities,elders, spouses, parents . . . our hope is that our children know early on that they are not in charge and that the world (and our family life) does not revolve around them. We also allow our children (and babies) to cry and be sad. Life is hard. Suffering is more to be expected than excepted in the Christian life. We would much rather them know these truths now than one day be walloped upside the head with the realities of life when mom and dad are not there to protect anymore.

This is digressing from sleep-training a bit, but for what it's worth, like many of our parenting examples, we began teaching obedience around eight and nine months of age. Simple things like not rolling over during diaper changes and not throwing food or fighting mom and dad (you know, the stiff-body thing babies do). Temper tantrums were nipped in the bud. (Thanks Barney Fife) The beautiful fruit of that is that even with Miss A at three years old, we struggle less with defiance and more with learning immediate obedience and heart issues. Our children's norm is that Mom and Dad are the boss and obedience is normal and good. I'm thankful for our sweet children and God's grace evidenced in their lives. They are a joy and delight to us.

As I ponder the sweet fruit and blessings we reap daily with our children, I am thankful for wise friends who pointed us in this direction, but mostly for the GRACE of God. Any good fruit, any blessings come not because we are wonderful perfect parents (QUITE the contrary), but because He is.

Wrapping up this absurdly long spiel (is anyone still reading?). I wanted to share the list of "good things" that have come as a result of sleep-training and all it's spheres.

1. Our babies' needs were nearly always met before they became issues. They were fed immediately upon waking, enjoyed awake people time and went down before they were too tired to sleep. I really think that helped them feel safe and secure. (Mr. J would wail like a banshee from the moment he woke up until he was fed, so he may not have enjoyed that security until after his feedings!).

2. Having a normal rhythm and expectation for the days helped us clue in to when something was wrong.

3. We never coaxed our kids to sleep. The whole rock them, tip-toe to the crib, pat them, "stink, they're up", repeat process was never an issue. It was a blessing to enjoy them at their fullest and most awake and be able to let them go to sleep quietly while we tended to other things (children, each other, laundry). Nor did we ever sit up staring at our toddler because it was eleven o'clock and while we were ready for bed, he wasn't. We did have many nights of "dance parties" in the crib and bouncing sessions from a very awake baby, but they were generally content to party alone (Or, rather, J was. Miss A and Mr. O have always had J to party with them).

4. Bedtime is a JOY with our kids. Pajamas are donned, teeth brushed and stories read, giggles exchanged and a song or two sung. A snaggle-toothed Mr. O bounces in his crib enjoying the spectacle. Bedtime is rarely fought, because it has never been an option. Our children may not go to sleep immediately, but they are free to quietly enjoy all that their bed (and books! dolls! cars!) have to offer.

5. That naturally leads to a supreme blessing of sleep-training. Quality time between Mr. T and myself. It has been so incredible to enjoy time together at the end of the day to decompress and talk and be together. Having that time has strengthened our marriage. Our relationships with our children are precious, but our marriage is more so. One day, they'll all be out of the house, but, Lord-willing, we'll still be plugging along. : )

6. Another natural benefit is rest/quiet/nap-time. At this stage of life, Mr. O (our 21-monther) is the only napper. J and A have mandatory quiet time after lunch in their rooms, often together. Since I am with our kiddos all-day, every-day, this time of rest is beneficial for all. They decompress and engage in such imaginative play that leave me puzzled, and I have blessed quiet time to recharge. Because all their lives they've only known that after lunch is room/nap time they never question or fight against it. Giving up naps gradually transitions to play-time in the bed and then to room-time when they are trust-worthy.

I could go on and on. The foundations that were laid in their first years of life with sleep-training and other associated ideas have helped make our parenting years a treasure and truly enjoyable. We really enjoy our children and are SO thankful for them, for God's mercy and grace to us, such sinners!

I don't expect to change minds about this whole debate, but I do ask that one consider the possibility that this method has the potential to be quite good and beneficial to the whole family.