Too Fast

We decorated for Christmas this evening. Our moms had taken the older kids for most of the weekend, leaving me and Rosie all to ourselves.

I was having flash-forwards to when our kids are older and they only come home for the day and leave right after (please don't do that, future La-lings!). It was quiet and lonely.

Then I got used to it and the quiet was a wee bit nice, but boy, I was ready for my peeps to come home today.

We pulled out all of our Christmas boxes and were rather organized and tidy until the ornaments came out and all the crazy broke loose. Decorations were flying hither and yon-landing on whatever surface didn't move.

I turned my back for a moment and icicles were tossed all over the tree like so much spaghetti not stirred in the pot.

It was a glorious chaos. All the extra strands of lights that still worked were hauled off to the bedrooms to decorate in there.

Y'all. It was one of those times as a mom where you just have to stop and take it all in.

No one tells you when you are pregnant for the first time how hard parenting is. Yes, there are dire predictions about the lack of sleep and the physical changes.

But I'm learning that's not the hard part.

No one tells you how you grow to love your children so much you just ache sometimes. 

How the deepest part of you trembles at the thought of someone hurting them and the fear of the world they are growing up in.

The pain of feeling like you've really messed up and made a wrong decision and your kids have to live with the results.

The worry that out of all the choices you could make about activities and schooling and church and social stuff that you might be doing it all wrong.

How you one day look up and see that your baby isn't so much a baby anymore.

The deepest joy of getting to know the incredible little souls God has entrusted you to care for--its sobering.

The delight of seeing them learn and grow in the fear and knowledge of God.

Tonight, Johnny, who is nine, was so fired up and excited and enthusiastic about the decorating that he simply couldn't contain himself. It was beautiful. I started to calm him down, but then I realized that in a few short years that unbridled enthusiasm could be a thing of the past.

So I soaked it up. That's why the otter is wrapped in tinsel and lights and the boys room is decorated with a motley assortment of cast-off lights, and gift-wrap bows are stuck all over the place.

The beauty is in the imperfection this year.

My precious boy. Even as I often pray, "come, Lord Jesus" when I see the craziness of this world,  I'm also begging the Lord to slow this time-thing down. The hurry I was once in to move on to the next stage is quickly evaporating.

We had "party food" for dinner and kicked off Advent with reading, singing and prayer. Owen was answering questions right and left, and Rosie is just excited about it all. Aubrey has planned all sorts of projects for gift-giving. She's got SUCH a generous heart.

This was tonight's reading:

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. 2 The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.

3 And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 And God saw that the light was good. And God separated the light from the darkness. 5 God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And there was evening and there was morning, the first day. Genesis 1:1-5

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.  John 1:1-3

I keep trying to comment on this passage, but honestly? Its so full of richness that tonight I just can't do much but read and meditate and ponder.